Lest you think this is some front for a bunch of guys who just don’t want to shave, our Ethics Committee has come up with Mustache Growing Rules.
Friday, November 9th, 2018 is Clean Shaven Day. Participants will shave their faces clean of any and all facial hair. This includes, but is not limited to: mustaches, beards, goatees, muttonchops, chinstraps, soul patches, sideburns that extend below the top of the earlobe, and Van Dykes.
For the duration of four weeks sweet Mustaches will be grown for the world to behold. During that time, there will be weekly Mustache Checkpoint Days at a local watering hole that is The Tavern Downtown. All involved will shave their mugs on Checkpoint Days, save for the area above their upper lip. No fair growing a full beard or goatee for a month, and then shaving down to just the Mustache. The Mustache must only stretch from one corner of your mouth to the other corner.
No Hitler Mustacheswill be permitted. Chaplin Mustachesare, likewise, forbidden. Further, whilst we do not expressly prohibit John WatersMustaches, it urges each Grower to consider the ease with which he can avoid being that creepy. We’re gunning for a timeless look…think Magnum, Lando, Gabo, Ed. The use of growth hormones and coloring agents is not condoned or sanctioned by Mustaches for Kids. We feel that these Mustache Growing Performance Enhancers violate the spirit of the contest.
Though the Mustache Checkpoints are not mandatory, Mustaches for Kids believes in the Honor System. Checkpoints are a great opportunity to encourage your Mustache brothers-in-arms during the growing season. Mustaches for Kids representatives will be available at all Checkpoints to address any Mustache questions or concerns. And we will drink beer.
With such burgeoning Mustaches firmly in place, fundraising should be a walk in the park. The minimum Pledge Goal for each Grower should be $50.00 for the Connecticut Children’s Medical Center, but in no way should anyone be discouraged from participating in the contest because he doesn’t think he can make the Pledge Goal; $5 or $500, it goes to a good cause. Please be aware of and obey all local laws when soliciting donations.
While Mustaches for Kids does not endorse trash-talking or making disparaging comments of any kind about another Grower’s Mustache, there are a number of unsubstantiated medical theories that Mustache Abuse stimulates follicle growth.
When all is said and done, a Mustache Competition will be held on Friday, December 7th, 2018, where a panel of judges will select the Sweetest ‘Stache, using a complicated and very scientific set of criteria. Mustaches will be judged solely on these standards; race, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, and popularity will not be taken into consideration. Booing will not be tolerated, especially by rival competitors; this is for charity, after all. Much like the Mustache Checkpoints, the final judging should foster a party-like atmosphere to celebrate the fruits of everyone’s Mustache labors. And we will drink beer. More info will follow closer to the event.
While the Growing Season will end after four weeks, there is no deadline for fundraising. Checks should be made payable to the Connecticut Children’s Medical Center with “Mustaches for Kids” written in the Memo portion. All proceeds from the Mustaches for Kids Mustache Growing Contest and Fundraiser go to the Connecticut Children’s Medical Center Foundation. Donations submitted by check are tax-deductible. As this time cash and PayPal donations are not tax deductible. You can hand off checks to a Mustache Representative at the Mustache Checkpoints, at the Mustache Contest, or mail them to: Mustaches for Kids Po Box 145 West Suffield, CT 06093
Finally, while merchandising is encouraged, please do not violate any local, provincial, or federal statutes. For example, sales tax regulations may apply. And all profits must be donated as well.
Good luck and good growing.